Opinion: Why I am Not a Feminist

A few years ago, I agreed with the statement that we should all be feminists. I had many heated conversations with friends and acquaintances about the importance of feminism. I often hoped that, if I were to have a daughter, she would be a feminist and fight for her rights too.

Now at the age of twenty-two, I have moved away from feminism. I have come to realise that feminist discourse is inconsistent, and is not based on a realistic perspective of society. Ultimately, I believe that feminism holds women back.

The most common thing that comes up when I talk about feminism is the assumption that being against feminism is the same as being against gender equality. In this respect, my views on feminism haven’t changed – I still, as most people, believe that men and women should have equal opportunities and be seen as equal under the law. 

Yet, the goal of equality is taken uncritically, and any discussion about the merits of equality are quickly shut down. When equality is discussed, it is almost always ‘equality of outcome’. This views equality through a meaningless statistical lens – such as having 50/50 representation of men and women. A better understanding of equality is ‘equality of opportunity’. By this, I mean equality on the individual level: are men and women treated as individuals, regardless of their gender? Do men and women have equal opportunities to pursue their life goals? Are men and women able to be something without being constantly defined by and shackled to their gender?

The basis that feminist ideology is predicated on is that society is male-dominated and patriarchal. This is taken as gospel. However, this argument merely looks at a small percentage of very successful men. In society, ‘a huge proportion of people who are seriously disaffected are men’. Most people who are in prison, or are homeless, or are victims of violent crime, or commit suicide, and so on, are men. Statistically speaking, men and women are more or less equal in most areas of life, but the extremities are dominated by men – that includes the lower percentiles and the higher percentiles. To claim that men dominate society and women are disadvantaged refuses to understand the complexity and nuances of gender differences in our society. 

If feminism truly advocated for gender equality, then it would give attention to issues that affect men, as well as issues that affect women. Issues such as custody, prison sentences, violent crimes, and so on have more male victims than female. I know feminist rhetoric claims to care about male issues, but I have rarely seen this in practice. Feminist discourse is almost entirely concerned with women’s disadvantages and with solving these issues, often, I would like to argue, to women’s detriment. 

Feminism’s response to women’s issues is a gendered, collectivist response rather than an individualistic response. Almost all of women’s issues do not solely affect women. Sexual harassment, domestic abuse, workplace discrimination, and so on can and do affect men, regardless of the percentage of male victims compared to female victims. Responding to women’s issues with a gendered response – that is, seeking to make streets safer for women rather than safer for people, for example – fails to see the individual that is affected by these issues. A woman’s suffering should not be seen as greater than a man’s suffering. This is why I disagree with the means of feminist ideology: it continues to perpetuate gendered discrimination even through their solutions. That is not to say that women shouldn’t receive specific gendered support when it is appropriate. My point is that men and women can both suffer from what is claimed to be female-only issues, and as such, the solution to these issues should equally be un-gendered, and treated at an individual case.

According to feminist rhetoric, women are disadvantaged and weaker than men. The only time I have genuinely felt oppressed due to my gender was when I was a feminist, because that was what I was taught. I was taught that my gender would disadvantage me, that my male counterparts would outperform me, and that there was nothing I – as an individual – could do. I was taught that women need to have quotas, pay rises, and women’s awards to even come close to competing with men. You can’t teach individuals that they are weaker by their very nature (i.e. women) and still expect them to perform equally to those that you teach are stronger by their very nature (i.e. men). Teaching women that they are so disadvantaged that they cannot genuinely compete with men by their own merit is debilitating and a huge injustice to women’s self-esteem and progress as an individual. 

It seems to me that feminist discourse sees one’s gender as the most important trait of the individual. Feminism divides society into men and women, compares every statistical detail of them, and makes sweeping claims about the apparent sexist dynamics in our society. My gender should not be the most important thing about me. As far as I’m concerned, in most situations it’s a meaningless detail. There are contexts where it is important, of course, but in politics one’s individuality should take precedent. By categorising individuals according to their gender, it implicitly states that one’s gender is meaningful insofar that it can tell you more about the individual and their politics than any other characteristic. This also allows feminism to make sweeping claims about women. Feminism claims that – by virtue of being a woman, all women will 1) agree with their perspectives of society and gender relations, 2) agree with the goal of gender equality, and what that means, and 3) agree with feminism’s means to achieve such a goal.

Remarkable women should be seen as remarkable without it simultaneously being a comment on their gender as a whole. Making the conscious point of women achieving a certain thing – or even creating awards purely for women – is patronising at best, and insulting at worst. Having women’s awards in music, fiction, and acting implies that women would not be able to win an award had they been competing against men. I don’t believe this to be the case. 

If I were to have a daughter, I would want to bring her up to believe that with hard work, determination and a bit of luck, she can achieve anything she wants. If I were to have a daughter, I would not feed her lies that her gender will hold her back, or that society is poisoning her to want to have children. If I were to have a daughter, I would want her achievements to be seen as her individual merit, and not as a merit of women. And if she does become a feminist, I hope she realises that feminism does not care about her, nor does it genuinely care about anyone.